Have I ever said how much I hate relationship advice from the older generations? Because if not, just know, I HATE IT. I hate everything about it. I hate how they tell me I’m too pretty to be tied down and that I could have a million guys or any guy I wanted. I hate how they say they’ve been in my situation before and wish they knew then what they know now. I hate how they say I need to enjoy these years. STOP. My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over two years now. We met when we were freshmen, we hung out a lot junior year, lost connection, became friends a year later and well, here we are. To be honest, I don’t know if he’s the one. We don’t know what our futures hold. We both agree that we want a future together though and for right now, that’s okay with me. We aren’t jumping up and putting a ring on it but our goal is to get to that point. Our main focus right now is working for a living (which we both have to do) and going to college! Being a young, serious couple is fun but I think the thing that hits me hardest is the negativity that comes with it. Just the other day, I had a woman sit down and lecture me about my relationship, something she knows nothing about. She made the statement, “wow, nobody can convince you not to get married at 20.” Yes, I’m only 20 and yes, I do think about marrying my boyfriend in the future. She brought up how we both are going to change a lot and yes, I understand we still have a lot of changing and growing to do. As much as I hate change, it is inevitable. We will change everyday, no matter how old we get but I think we can learn to grow with eachother, and change together, for the better. I guess what makes me so mad is that older people compare my relationship to theirs. They talk about statistics and divorce and I know all of that is real but nowhere does it say that MY relationship will end in divorce just because we started dating young. I guess what I want is to stop receiving, what I consider, negative advice and start getting advice on how to make things work in a world like we live in today. How can I prevent my future marriage from ending in divorce? What are things I could do differently in my relationship? What are some things you learned from your past marriage/s that could help my future marriage? Not every young couple is going to make it but some do. Some grow up together and change together and stay in love. The way I see it is, I’m enjoying these years. I’m having fun and living them the best that I can and making memories… I’m just not doing it alone. I don’t have wild, crazy nights in clubs dancing on random guys and waking up with a massive hangover.. Instead, I have wild, crazy adventures with what could potentially be my soul mate and the best part is, I’ll actually be able to remember these awesome times when I’m older.
Tag: relationship
It took me a long time to figure out a perfect love wasn’t about little surprises or expensive vacations or even a million, cliche pictures. A few years ago, I had that. I had a relationship that everybody bragged about. People I didn’t know would approach me and say they seen our pictures and they wanted something like that. People said we were a “match made in heaven.” They didn’t see what went on behind closed doors though. They didn’t see the cheating, the anger, the way he put me down and brought out my biggest insecurities and the way he would grab my arm and hold on so tight, there would be bruises. They didn’t see him put his hand around my throat when he got angry with me. They didn’t see the marks I hid so well with clothes and makeup. People called it a fairytale. I called it a nightmare. I somehow managed to escape. I was one of the lucky girls who got away before it got too out of hand. I also got talked about. People accused me of playing him, of breaking his heart, of hurting him. They didn’t see the hurt I had been through. They seen an idiotic girl who gave up her once in a lifetime love story. My love life today is different. After months… years… of healing, I finally moved on. My relationship is raw. It’s real. It has its flaws. It isn’t a fairytale. I don’t get the biggest bouquet of flowers that his parents can afford. I don’t get love letters copied from something he seen on pinterest. I don’t get a million, cliche pictures in poses every couple uses. I don’t get dates every Friday night. We aren’t an Instagram or Tumblr couple. I don’t post things to him for likes, he doesn’t post things to me at all because he doesn’t get on the internet often. People don’t call this a fairytale and that’s okay because those things don’t prove love. I get his honesty. I get his hand randomly grabbing mine and a Saturday night of ice cream and game shows at his place. I get “goodmorning baby” texts and talking about our future kids and house and dog. I get real talks about our day and the troubles of our jobs and what our families are up to. Nobody knows about the times that we sit up until 2 A.M. talking about everything we can possibly think of. Nobody understands the beauty of our simple love. Our love isn’t a fairytale… Our love is real life. We live it everyday, all of the ups and downs, all of the obstacles… We go through it together hand in hand. Nobody understands it but us and you know what? That’s okay.
Okay, my rant today is about #Goals. I seen a post on Facebook about Thomas Rhett and his wife Lauren being the ultimate relationship goals and that’s not completely wrong. I would love to stop arguing long enough to get an adorable picture of me and my boyfriend watching football in the same stadium and wearing the same colors, supporting each other’s teams but I’m sorry, we don’t live in a perfect world. We will argue over football and our teams until our dying day. I haven’t put #goals on anything. I never really seen the big deal about it. Maybe because I have real life goals? Idk. I think some pictures are really cute of some couples so I push like but they aren’t my goals. Just because that picture is cute does not mean they have a good relationship. That picture of that huge mansion with the Lambo sitting out front is great but not my goals. You can keep those bills. Maybe I’m just a 40 year old stuck in a 20 year olds body but there isn’t one single person out there that has something I want. I just feel like this generation should lay off the Internet a little bit and make actual goals. Maybe then, one day, that’ll be one of your pictures going viral and the next generation will be commenting #goals on your picture. Rant over!
Let me start by saying, this isn’t easy to write. It’s like reality is slapping me in the face. I always brush things off. I always stand up for you and make excuses for the way you are. I always make reasons why everything you do is okay. Maybe I’m writing this hoping you’ll see it and wise up. Maybe I’m writing this as my first form of future closure. I don’t know yet. We’ll see I guess. You know, you used to be this sweet guy. You made me feel special and you made me fall in love with you and how great you treated me but we hit a mark and apparently that was your que to stop. I think your brain just kind of went, “okay, you have her, no need in doing all of this anymore.” Do you know sometimes I wake up two hours early just to make my hair the way you once told me you liked it best? Yes, that has stuck in my mind all of this time. You told me ONCE and now I try to wear my hair like that just to get a compliment. You know, those 30 minutes you spent complaining about how long it takes me to get ready? You said something like, “I wish you didn’t care what people think of you. I wish you didn’t always have to try to look nice.. Who cares?” Yeah, I wish I didn’t care what YOU think of me. I spent that 30 minutes trying to pick an outfit that you wouldn’t think is goofy looking. One that I’d walk out in and you’d look me up and down and just think, “Damn, look at my girl.” I want to hear you call me beautiful, gorgeous, pretty… I’ll even lower my standards and hold out for a “sexy” every once in a while because I work so hard for that. You know, it’s crazy because you’re so quick to look at another girl. You’re so quick to mention how pretty she is but you can’t do that for the girl standing there in front of you. The girl who tries so hard to keep your attention. In a world where girls constantly degrade themselves.. Where we are constantly shamed by the media on our looks… We need that one person to remind us how important and beautiful we are and if a girl is in a relationship, it should be her significant other. I’m not asking you for 5 page love letters or a 1,000 word goodnight message or a dozen of roses on my doorstep every Friday night. After all of the thinking I’ve done though, I realized, nothing is ever good enough for you. I can try, I can look like Kate Upton or Scarlett Johanson but in the end, the grass is always greener somewhere else. You can’t be seen by someone who is blind to greatness. You can’t be good enough for someone who isn’t even good enough for you. Before I close this out, I just want to leave you with a reminder… You might look around one day and see someone appreciating what you didn’t. Don’t ever take someone for granted.
I’ve spent a lot of time looking for home. Home was that safe place. That place I left at fifteen years old. That place I swore I’d end up running back to when I turned 18. Home is my hometown, my state. I spent a lot of time searching for that feeling again. I spent a lot of time feeling out of place. Eating lunch by myself, hiding in the bathrooms in a high school I despised. I searched for home, begged to go home, prayed I could go home. Then you grabbed my face. What was I searching for again? What was that four letter word… oh, that right home. You grabbed my face and I found it. My safe place. That place I found at seventeen years old. That place I swear I’ll never leave. I searched for this feeling. This feeling that I’m okay. My anxiety, my loneliness, my depression, for that time that you held my face and looked in my eyes, it was gone. Home is wherever you are. Home is wherever your hand leads me. You lead and I’ll follow you home. You’re that safe haven, that place I escape to. You hold my memories, you make me feel like I belong. You are my home.
I’m not good at giving advice, ok? Like, don’t base your decisions off of my advice because it could very well end up being the worst decision you’ve ever made. I can tell you some things about relationships though. Years ago, I went through something I never imagined. I went through an abusive relationship. Still to this day, I’m trying to get over the mental and emotional abuse I went through. My self worth was down so low and my confidence too, that building it up has seemed near impossible but here I am today, telling the story. First of all, if the person you are with is putting you down, calling you names, literally cussing you out.. Anything of that nature.. That is abuse. If they have went that far, take it from me, eventually it leads to physical abuse. NO KIND OF ABUSE SHOULD BE TOLERATED. Point blank! Next.. If the person you are with cheated with you, they will cheat on you and if they have cheated at all, they will continue to cheat. Cheating is like an addiction and they will not change just for you. Next… Do not date somebody if you are not over your ex. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DONT. You and your ex obviously need closure and the new person doesn’t deserve to be hurt in the middle of you and your ex’s drama. Make sure everything is out in the open, over and all the feelings are gone before dragging someone else into your life. Lastly… If you are not happy in your relationship.. let the person you’re with go. “But I love them,” is not an excuse. You are not happy and leading them on while you decide what is going to make you happy isn’t right. What is meant to be, will be (clichè, I know but I strongly believe in it.) Relationships are just for fun these days. Nobody stops to think about the person they’re with, what they see in their future, anything like that. Nobody dates with the thought of marriage anymore and it’s disgusting to see how far people go with things like this. This isnt really advice, more like just being a good person. Pass it on.
1. I hate clutter. I get anxious when there’s clutter.
2. When we fall asleep together, I will need touch you in some way, whether it be holding you hand or my leg touching yours.. I need to know you’re there.
3. I’ll be hyper when you’re exhausted and expect you to stay up. I’ll be calm and tired when you least want me to be.
4. I don’t care where we go, as long as I’m seen with you. I love showing you off.
5. My hair will be everywhere. All of your pillow, blowing around your truck.. I’m sorry in advance!
6. If I’m having a bad day, you’re the person I want to see and rant to because you’re my best friend.
7. I’ll have days where I’m clingy and won’t leave you alone and stay right on top of you all day. I’ll have days where I seem like I’m not even into you and I’ll beg you to leave me alone.
8. I have more bad days than good but please bc aware that this is not your fault. It’s not us, it’s me.
9. When I do have good days, I won’t shut up about them. I’ll tell you the story a million times. Please just let me relive the memory.
10. I like the windows down when we’re riding around.
11. I like all of my music loud.
12. I will never be able to explain anything. I’m not the best with words so just nod like you know what I’m saying.
13. I’m competitive.. Especially against you.
14. I worry. ALOT!
15. I have a real obsession with cats. Okay, or any animal for that matter! I’m sorry for the over-exciment!
16. and just to let you know, I get over- excited about a lot more than just animals!
17. I will always say “forever?” when you say “I love you too” because I need that reassurance. I’ve never seen forever happen so I need you to tell me this is something I can count on.
18. I’m timid and scared of a lot of things but for you, I will venture out of my comfort zone. Just give me time.
19. I have strong opinions and we will butt heads over some of them im sure but I’ll always respect yours.
20. You’re not just time that I’m wasting. You’re not just another relationship. I’m with you and I’ll fight for you and I see my future with you so don’t ever doubt how I feel, even on my bad days.
I don’t know how many times I’ve said this.. to my friends, to strangers.. How many times have I been told this? Too many to count. Today, I was at the shop (I work at a boutique) and I’m waiting on customers and eventually I’m left with three ladies. One was one of the girls moms and the other two, I assumed, were around 18. Gorgeous, blonde, tall, MODEL looking girls… One of the girls starts freaking out and eventually I learned her boyfriend was supposed to be with his boys, but ended up being with a bunch of girls.. Blah blah blah.. The usual. So I asked her, “how long have you been with him?”.. “Six months”.. Okayyyy… “How old are you?”.. Wait for it… “Fifteen”.. FIFTEEN. You know.. 15. ONE FIVE. FIFTEEN. Pause right there. GIRLS. If you are fifteen, please please please, enjoy your life. Enjoy high school, enjoy every summer until college, and then enjoy that too. If a guy isn’t into you, walk away. If a guy wants to hang out with other girls, let him go so he can be single and do that. If a friend stabs you in the back, let them go. Your teens are all about letting go, no matter how bad that sucks. You’ll meet amazing people, you’ll beg them to stay, they won’t. Or they might! But your teens are when you figure it out. You have time to settle down. You have time to be in a serious relationship… But your teens, that’s the time you use to learn and make friends and live your life. I know God sent me this girl today… I told her my words of wisdom and sent her off. So now I’m passing it to whoever may read this. Let it go, let it be and move on and remember, your teenage years don’t last forever. The good times will pass but so will the bad. You only get one chance so live it up while you can and its only a bad day, not a bad life!
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